I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
