At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
