***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
