i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
