So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
