What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
