She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
