im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
