I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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