i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
