How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
