she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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