Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
