That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
