..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
