worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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