do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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