So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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