I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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