Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
