Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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