If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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