tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
