So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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