I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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