We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
