I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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