So drunk its hurt
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
