And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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