Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
