Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
