I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
