I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize