okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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