It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize