he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
