Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
