that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
