I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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