I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
