Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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