her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
