Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
