i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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