First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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