Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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