No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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