im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
