New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
