I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
