you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
