I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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