Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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