When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
