when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
