watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize