I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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