you traded sex for a burrito?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude. I can hear the air.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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