im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
