Where is the hickey?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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