Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
