the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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