oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
