I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my liver is dry heaving
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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