Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
