you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
