everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
