I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
